It would be foolish of me to speak for the entire male gender, so I’m not gonna try. I AM gonna go ahead and speak for myself and other good, stand-up, Christian fellas out there though… Because I’m fairly certain they’ll agree with or at least relate to the following thoughts. I’m also going to…
Why can’t I seem to do anything right?
me·di·o·cre [mee-dee-oh-ker] - not satisfactory; poor; inferior.
I have had a great sense of being mediocre lately…in almost everything I attempt to do. The Bible says that we “can do all things through Christ” (Philipians 4:13), so why does this overwhelming feeling of medicracy seem to be looming over my head? Why can’t I seem to do anything right? I know thats a question we’ve all asked ourselves at one point or another. Lately I’ve been asking myself this a lot. Why? Why can’t I be a better Christian, daughter, sister, friend and employee?
Mediocracy in my walk with Christ:
For quite some time now, Ive been struggling with certain sins that I know are absolutely wrong. I’m sure that if I was to share them with you, you’d be very surprised (all thanks to the mask I’ve learned to wear so well). I’ve talked with several friends about their struggles, and somehow I am able to tell them Truth about God’s never failing, unconditional love for them, and yet I dont tell myself that. I was just thinking about that the other day. Obviously, I know the Truth, but somehow it seems too far away to be true for me.
As a music lover/musician, I think a lot of the time God speaks to me through certain songs…one song that sticks out to me as I’m typing this section of my blog is Jesus Culture’s “Your Love Never Fails”:
“Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails”
It’s an absolutely wonderful thing to know that no matter what we do, God’s love will never fail us. In fact, if anything about His love changes at all when we fail, I believe it only gets stronger for us, so He can draw us home. Because of that, I am trying my best to live my life better for Him. I want to be more deserving of that unconditional love.
Mediocracy in my relationship with my momma:
I love my family and friends. I don’t know what I would do with out them. Often times, unfortunately, because of my actions, I feel like I don’t show just how much I value them. Recently, it’s been way too easy to snap at my mom over little things…I hate that. I love my mom a lot. She’s the only parent I have (my dad passed away when I was 13), so it saddens me that communication with her is a little shakey. I see other people, and maybe it’s just the way I see it, but their relationships seem almost perfect. Don’t get me wrong, my relationship with my mom isn’t terrible, we get a long great for the most part…its just those times when we don’t that bother me a lot. God has been speaking to me a lot lately about making the most of what I have now, cause I won’t have it forever. I want to step away from being a mediocre daughter, and be the kind of daughter she deserves. When I become a mom, I want to look back and teach them the things my mom taught me. She is amazing, and I want to be too.
Medicracy with my sister:
My big sis is my very best friend. We have the same sense of humor and laugh about every stupid little thing. We understand each other. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have her.
She’s super smart, funny, and excels at pretty much anything she tries. As you can tell by the whole theme of this blog, I am the exact opposite. Because of this, I don’t feel like I can share every struggle with her…like somehow, I’m less of a Christian. I think thats exactly how the enemy whats us to think. He wants to put lies in our head, so we don’t confide in people who are strong and can help us. Please, don’t ever buy into lies like that. I want to, again, step away from being a mediocre sister, and talk to the sister I was given. She’s my best friend, and sister for a reason. :)
Mediocracy in the work place, and the things I love to do:
I have a job that seems way over my head. I had no idea there was so much to being a bank teller. I thought it was just about cashing checks and depositing money. There is SO much more to it.
At 20 years old, I feel so out of place here. All my co workers are older than me, and seem so much different. My job seems too “grown up”, and far, far from what I love to do. I know…everybody has had at least one job they didnt like before they get the one that seems to be a “perfect fit”. I have only been here about 7 months, but I feel like I should know how to do so much more about my job than I actually do. Being the newest employee here, I get a lot of work that my co workers don’t want to do…I understand, that apparently happens at a lot of places. Just this morning I got in trouble because I didnt do something right and a member was charged a $20 fee. I don’t know how many times this part of my job has been explained to me, but I still can’t seem to get it right. My co worker (who has been working here for several years) explained it to me AGAIN, but didn’t seem too happy about it at all. It was a rough start to my day.
A song that gets stuck in my head when I’m feeling this way at work is a lyric from a Stephen Curtis Chapman song:
“While I may not know you,
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?
Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause He made you,
To do every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do…”
I know that I was created for a great purpose (Jer 29:11), but sometimes I can’t see past where I am, and often times forget that I need to wait…things will happen when they are supposed to. That song reminds me that sometimes God puts us somewhere for just a time, and we need to use that time to pray for guidance and eyes to see what He’s doing. I know won’t be a bank teller forever, and I cannot wait to see where He leads me!
As far back as I can remember, I have always been a creative person. I often find myself doodling pictures or my own lyrics on scratch papers at work (and I remember doing that in Middle and High school, too). I have never seen myself as a professional/business minded person. I love to create. Thats my passion. Something I’ve been thinking about for a long, long time is what I feel like I’m supposed to do. I love music…playing guitar, writing, singing, and even working at concerts. I also love to design stuff (like merchandise)…I feel like God put those passions in me for a reason…after praying many, many times about this, I feel like this is the direction He is leading me to. I still feel like I need to be patient and pray more about this, though. Something that encourages me daily is a lyric from Mandisa song… “cause You made me for so much more than sitting on the sidelines…”
God, please help me to know that I am not mediocre. I can do anything with Your help! You have made me for an amazing purpose, and surrounded me with people who will help me get there. Thank you for your unconditional love. I can’t wait to see where You lead me. Amen.
Every Little Thing
Have you ever felt silly about asking God for tiny little favors? Like He’s too busy and probably doesnt care about the little things? Chances are, you have…and I’ve felt that way, too!
I was talking with a co worker the other day, and she told me that a couple weeks ago, she was at the store and wanted to buy some cheetos. She couldnt decide if she wanted crunchy or puffy, so she opted not to buy any. She had also put a few boxes of Jello mix in her cart, but ended up putting those back, too, and went home. The next day, her mom came to her apartment with bags of groceries and in one bag was two bags of cheetos (crunchy AND puffy), and a couple boxes of Jello mix. After she told me this, she said “I know it was a weird story, but God proves to me that He truly cares about every little thing that makes us happy. He likes to see us smile, even if it’s just over getting some cheetos and jello.”
God cares about YOU and every silly little thing that makes you smile. Never forget that. :)
What makes us different?
Sometimes, as Christians, we tend to forget that the only difference between us and non believers is grace. We still have our struggles and our falls, but we know there is a God who loves us unconditionally and forgives us no matter what we do. This has been on my mind a lot lately, as Ive witnessed the attitudes of some Christians towards non believers, and its made me think about the way I live my life. A person who doesnt know Jesus, or even refuses to meet Him needs love and compassion, and directions. The only way they’ll see Jesus is through people who have declared Him as theirs. That means living you’re life the way Christ would. I have had some major, personal struggles lately, and I think about that every time I have a negative thought towards someone. God is reminding me, “Remember who you were yesterday. I want you to show them the same Love I show you.” Someone who doesn’t know Jesus wouldnt want to know Him if they heard the way God’s people talk, sometimes…and thats upsetting.
DRESS YOURSELF IN LOVE:
Something Ive seen a lot lately is people’s opinion of the way people dress. Are you showing people the love of Jesus by making fun of someone dressed in Wal-Mart clothing? Does it make you a better person because you shop at the most expensive places? Thats just a small example, but its a good one. I’m not trying to make myself sound holy by saying what I did (Lord knows I’ve struggled with this, too!), and I believe If you’ve been blessed with a good job and are able to afford expensive things, thats awesome. Thank God for that. But I also believe that God blesses us like that so we can help other people, not build up our own empires. By making fun of someone else, regardless of the “good” reason you may have, you’re not only keeping yourself from loving the way Christ would, but you’re influencing the way the people around you think of that person. Not a great way to reflect Jesus.
Where we spend our money, thats where our heart is. I believe that, 100%. Are we so caught up in making ourselves look good that we are willing to sacrifice helping someone in need? Instead of talking badly about people who may have food stamps or be on welfare or even have a drug problem, lets step up and be the people Christ has called us to be. Maybe all that person needs is love and understanding. We can’t claim to know Love unless we live Love. I am definitely guilty of judging someone at first glance, but like I said before, God always pokes me in the heart and says “I Love YOU regardless of what you’ve done. Show them that same Love.”
Sorry for ranting, but this has been on my mind a lot. Its making me think about the way I treat and think of people who are different than I am, and I hope it made you think, too.
Thanks for reading,